I hate introductions, I hate small talk and right now I don't like a lot of things around me, and it turns out, it's not only me!!!
I'm writing this blog as an attempt to put in words what I think most of us are going through at this point of our lives, in this career and in this country. If I could, I would make a drama series, maybe a play to try and explain what we go through, but this is what I have and writing about specific incidents will not sum up what I have to say.
Lately, I just find myself staring into the distance, just watching people around me, thinking of everything going around me, analyzing, judging, trying to find a solution, and just continuing to sit there moving forward in my downward spiral into depression, and it doesn't get better.
I wonder what was causing me to feel so down. Let me try to analyze what is going on:
I am not going to explain who I am, what my education is or what my life experience is, because that would be bragging, a waste of lines and everybody is proud of whom they are. My point is, we are supposed to be highly intellectual people, the cream de la cream of society, in every aspect. But here I am finding myself extremely weak, living in a weak, corrupt and powerless society destroying and antagonizing anything good.
Where do I start. Maybe it’s the sense of not knowing what I am exactly, right now. Am I a doctor worthy of respect from my patients, colleagues, residents, senior staff, the community and people I live around and even hospital workers. Or am I nobody, just a porter, to drive papers and patients around, with everybody bossing me around and insulting for no good reason including all the previously mentioned categories, below or above me, and no matter how hard you work or how good you are people still hurt you just to feel their power. Or is it that I find most of the people around me in their different categories lacking discipline, endurance, perseverance, knowledge, a good way of thinking, bigger values, just full of talk about how they want to fix things and become somebody when they can’t even commit to the simplest tasks assigned to them because they feel they are too good or too big for it, full of anger and taking this out on other people and neglecting what they should be doing, and the worst being living with and for all what is wrong, shallow and useless in life. What have we come to?
Is it that we have lost the sense of self achievement, that we are getting no praise from anybody, nobody notices us or what we do or are capable of, we are being downgraded all the time by everybody and our rights and freedom taken away a piece at a time. Or is it that we have lost cause and direction. Or maybe that we have given up on learning, improving and moving forward because of all of the above. Maybe, it’s because we can not see the light, that person to follow, a promise or somebody willing to reach out for us and understand truly what we are going through, nobody has any more time or patience for us. Or maybe it’s that we’ve lost the sense of beauty and are no longer grateful to what we have.
We live in a place where people are treated like animals, have no rights, no freedom, people live in the sewers with rats eating them alive, being bullied, killed and raped by those in power and with money, who have no values, humanity, or even intelligence. Why have people lost respect to each other, and treat you on who you are and how much damage a person can do to another? It’s undeniable, and it’s there, you can see it everywhere. We are insecure in every life aspect. The people who are supposed to protect us are not, in fact they are the one being disrespectful and being bullies. Where do we stand?
I have not yet started talking about what life matters we think about such as marriage and the limited resources we are faced with and who people in other carriers are doing so much better than us in every single aspect in life and are not faced with any of the hardships we are faced with or what we have gone through or will go through.
People have stopped smiling and stopped saying phrases such as “no problem” or “let me see what I can do for you”, nobody wants to help any more. Instead they try to complicate things for other people for no apparent reason than to exert power.
Our close family and friends have no idea what we are going through and have no interest but to express their own pain and their own point of views. We do not matter any more and people have stopped caring about, who you really are, how they are treating you and what they are saying to you.
We have lost the sense of real power, the power of big personalities, empathy, resourcefulness, truth and all that is good and right. “It is time to start working and spend less time sleeping” as a wise man once said. It is time to restore what is right. But the question still remains, is it possible?
I have learnt one or two things with time, don’t put expectations and you won’t be disappointed and live for a bigger cause, be one of the big personalities and don’t get affected by the smaller people. It helps.
Maybe I am being pessimistic, and maybe I am over doing it. But this is what we are going through.
Our power is not to let this affect us, only make us stronger. We still have the power of intellect.
As another wise man said “Sadness is a luxury, and as long as you are still ambitious, then you are not luxurious”. So let us raise our head high and continue walking and dealing with life with what we are and not with how we are being treated. Let us not let ourselves be them.
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